You talked about worries in regards to the awkwardness of really sleeping using the man, and concerns about being a ‘dud’. Forget about this. In my opinion, and also this is irrespective of sex, things have a tendency to work themselves away simply fine when both folks are excited and involved with it. Passion alone can be well well worth significantly more than a perfect strategy. Put in a small communication into it, and also you’re golden. Therefore just make sure which you wait ‘til you are all excited for this, okay? published by amelioration at 10:50 have always been on might 30, 2009
Seconding, thirding and n-thing: be upfront with this, which could maybe not (or might, dependent on him) be a deal that is big. Bonus: he is the very first guy that tickled your interest. Huge ego boost! Drawback: talking as an etero guy, now he’s got 200% associated with the competition for you, that might result in a bit that is little of on their part relating to your relationship.
Lots of men have actually dreams about girl-girl-boy threesomes. Merely an idea to help keep in the straight back for the mind. See above paragraph on competition for drawbacks and just why he’s not very likely planning to ask to ‘bring a pal’. YMMV.
Most useful of fortune! posted by _dario at 10:55 have always been on might 30, 2009
I am where you stand too. We are nevertheless together. Nthing keep in touch with him if you can talk to each other about it about it before anything happens, and it might also be helpful to acknowledge that maybe it’ll just be awkward (or awkward the first time/first few) and that doesn’t need to be a bad experience, especially.
It types of noises, as other commenters have actually stated, that the relevant concern of identification can also be going swimming – you understand, “Am I ‘bi’ now, or just what?” Like it shouldn’t seem like such a big deal for me, personally, it was a very difficult question, even though at the time, I felt. In retrospect, Wef only I’d accepted it was difficult in my situation. Dating a man tossed down lots of tips I’d about myself and in addition it cut me removed from a feeling of being section of a community that is queer and I also think that is a typical feeling, in spite of how highly one believes (if certainly one does) that sex does not figure out identification.
Ultimately, we made my comfort along with it. It assisted to own more conversations them was in a lesbian support group, and at one point all of them were dating guys about it with my friends, and learn, for example, that one of! It don’t change anything basic they didn’t have to use any words they didn’t want to in them, and. They might feel nevertheless they desired about whomever they desired. This did not ensure it is any less awkward to re-think whom these people were, however. But whether or otherwise not you stick to this person, we bet this is an appealing minute that you experienced, the one that offers you some insights you want to live into yourself and your surroundings and how. published by thesmallmachine at 12:11 PM may 30, 2009
If it can help, you aren’t the very first individual to have this situation that is unusual. It is best merely to be as upfront and truthful along with your partner.
Good fortune! posted by lyndhurst at 12:12 PM may 30, 2009
snugglebunny: “And what is an individual who identifies as a lesbian doing dating a man anyhow? I do believe you are establishing your self and him up for the complete great deal of difficulty.”
Um snugglebunny, will you be severe? I did not recognize that when you checked the “gay” box you had beenn’t permitted to date anybody for the sex that is opposite. The OP did not signal some type saying “I’m a lesbian and may never ever touch a man once more.” Sheesh! Although we have a tendency to choose to label sex (and sex) in good, neat, check-able bins, the simple facts are it’s *not* that facile.
OP, this might be understandably tossing you by way of a cycle, partly given that it’s messing with your own personal self-identity. That is normal. And also you’re frightened as you have not been with some guy in some time. That’s additionally normal. But try not to *ever* allow anybody let you know you “should not” be doing one thing simply you should be because it doesn’t fit with their idea of how. published by radioamy at 12:21 PM may 30, 2009 [4 favorites]
I will be a guy that is straight and, not so long ago, I became dating a lady whom defined as a lesbian. maybe maybe perhaps not bi, a lesbian. it absolutely was a good relationship. we lasted for 5 years and we also’re nevertheless extremely friends that are close.
and she arrived of it in what katherineg called her “lesbian street cred” intact. in my opinion (that will be, admittedly, restricted), that kind of reasoning about sex and sex just isn’t a great deal just how things are done anymore. it really is interesting, for instance, that this problem did not ensure it is into the concern after all. and i love what thesmalmachine and radioamy have actually to state, therefore I’ll leave it at that.
as soon as you stated you did not wish to be a ‘dud,’ i did not think you had performance that is sexual brain; I was thinking you intended you did not wish a relationship to lose their freshness about this man therefore right after the very last one. published by spindle at 12:35 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
In fact he will most likely not care anyhow. Considering just exactly how lesbian that is much guys view, he could extremely very well be more into you as a result of it. published by Ookseer at 12:51 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Telling him “I’m a really lesbian” (your terms) will be comparable to telling him, “I’m maybe perhaps maybe not drawn to you.” If you should be drawn to him and would like to date him, you aren’t a lesbian. You are 
bisexual. How can you make sure he understands this? Think about: “I’m bisexual.”
Just how do you make sure he understands you’ve just dated girls into the past? Think about: “I’ve just dated girls into the past.” Or “I’m bisexual, but we have a tendency to choose girls/women.” You don’t have to justify this choice. Either he will are having issues he won’t with it or. In either case, you are going to both be much better down moving forward with openness and sincerity. published by Jaltcoh at 12:54 PM on May 30, 2009
